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Thursday, February 17th, 2011
12:16 am - whoa!
I totally forgot I had one of these things!! Tempted to start posting again, but that could be the mania talkin' ;)

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Monday, April 17th, 2006
12:39 am

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Friday, May 27th, 2005
BONDING WITH IRISHMEN!!! (who can play cricket song on the piano!!)

current mood: drunkish

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Thursday, April 28th, 2005
6:52 pm - the damage that was done, the treasures that prevail

Behind a cut because it's quite stupidCollapse )

I went to see our little gooselings today but the tide was high, our island was floating, looked so far away. I did get to see Papa Goose/sentinel though, and he is doing quite well, crash landing into the water, gathering food for his wife and kidz.


current mood: restless

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Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
10:02 pm - :(
what better way to distract yourself from a torrent of repressed emotions than to read MORE ABOUT VISITORS* and listen to johnny cash!!

*humanoid beings who think it's cute to take men, women and children when we are at our most vulnerable and make us psychotic and tweek-like

current mood: cool

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Thursday, March 31st, 2005
7:56 pm - better than lakemen
LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:rhodora
Your haiku:comedy of being
love there is no other word
to describe this love
Created by Grahame

another good one!! (this meme is very compelling to me)

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:rhodora
Your haiku:to be true our hearts
break open to contain new
dimensions of love
Created by Grahame

current mood: satisfied

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Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
4:33 pm
There is a reason, YES, a reason for my elusiveness, for my reluctance to commit. And it is a marvelous reason. Oh, it is a miraculous reason.

Do not fear the chrysalis. (just a head's up)


current mood: inspired, annoyed

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Saturday, March 26th, 2005
10:00 pm

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Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
3:30 am - exaltation on the kitchen floor
I have read about how cricket song, when slowed down to match and mirror the length of the average lifespan of a human being, sounds curiously akin to a choir of angels.

I finally did a google search and listened for myself. Sweet Goddess. I have no words for the beauty of this, this beauty that caused me to fall to my knees a few times and be temporarily insane with awe and wonder.

Life is so strange and beautiful that i often feel i cannot bear it. I'm overflowing with gratitude and a knowingness that is beyond verbal description. I smoosh my brother's face and try to memorize every shadow on his face, every centimeter. I want to infuse the souls of all beings with the knowledge of the intrinsic goodness of the Self, the playfulness at the heart of all things, the divine comedy of being. LOVE. There is no other word to describe this. Love.

We dive so deep, we undergo the shattering of all we once held to be true, our hearts break open to contain new dimensions of love. Life-Death-Life.

Whitley Strieber said that life is far more wondrous than we dare to see. I'm beginning to understand.


current mood: awed, overflowing

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Friday, March 4th, 2005
6:47 pm - i have been bitten by the livejournal bug that looks like an unearthly visitor.
the next time lj will get a word out of me is when all the earth becomes apple pie. get it now while the going is good. or skip it if you will! ;)

as you float now, where i held you
and let go, remember, when fear
cramps your heart, what i told you:
lie gently and wide to the light-year stars,
lie back and the sea will hold you.Collapse )

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Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
4:35 pm
i had a dream in which i stated here that livejournal is the freakin' epitome of narcissism.

then i said, "so long, and thanks for all the fish."

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Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
10:13 pm - Two things:
1. 'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to me, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With what porpoise?"'

'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.

'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone.

2.'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.

'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle angrily: 'really you are very dull!'

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Monday, February 2nd, 2004
7:39 pm - declaration, complaint
Burdock Root is my herb of choice; just thought you all should know.

And I'm very much annoyed with the groups we were assigned in Creative Writing; ::glares::
Why'd I have to get stuck with the fucking homophobe?

current mood: not bad actually

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12:30 am - a little nonsense, now and then
I think daydreams really are whisperings of the Higher Self, sort of giving us a nudge as to where our ideal life paths may lead us if we choose to pay attention and take them seriously. Mountains at sunset, twilight walks in the forest with a doggie and a kindred human soul, gazing upward at a million stars. Healing the minds and bodies of others.

I want them to come true.

current mood: wistful, craving willy wonka

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Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
7:22 pm - the space between us all
i do believe that if you were to visualize deeply enough, intensely enough, then you can attain whatever you desire. it's happened to me on several occasions.
but i keep wondering, what is the difference between visualizations and mere daydreams?

i'm constantly daydreaming, but what are they? maybe whisperings from our higher selves, echoes of where our lives might take us if we desire deeply enough. but then how come it seems as though i'm at a stand-still? how might we make these daydreams manifest into the physical realm?
at which point do these daydreams become visualization, and at which point do these desires manifest? like, where is the catalyst here?

the law of attraction, on a universal scale, would state that whatever you need most will be magnetically drawn to you when the time is right. especially if you look within, and start to take notice of all the strange and unusual occurrences around us. some people don't care either way, and they subconsciously block whatever it is they're lacking from coming to them. if they only knew! (as i was typing that last proclamation, i heard george's voice from the cd player saying exactly the same thing.)
if we were to pay closer attention to "coincidences," i think that would trigger a sort of metaphysical chain reaction, in which synchronicity would gradually lead us to discoveries and realizations and. and. things that we thought we never knew, but in fact we'd only really forgotten them.

but i'm currently (and have been) facing the predicament of figuring out how to lift mental and spiritual barricades in order to allow further progress. i s'pose there is the meditational method. but sometimes it's the lack of motivation that is so crippling, and the urge to just daydream constantly while the earth turns and life just rolls along. but can't it be said that daydreaming itself is a form of meditation?
so now, as usual, my thoughts have spiraled full-circle, back to the beginning. i guess i will continue wondering how one makes the transition from mere daydreaming to effective visualization.

i'm thinking in metaphysical terms again! aggaarghh!
i'm glad though, because it provides intense stimulation to nearly every aspect of myself.
lj entries may get long and weird though, so skip over 'em if you feel the need.

current mood: curiouser

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Sunday, December 28th, 2003
6:46 pm - people who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
must stop living inside my head. you know when you just spend so much time alone that you get so sick of yourself and want to escape?

but then again, when i'm with people i still feel the need to escape. go fig.

i find myself writing in lj more often. hrm. i guess the arm is sick of writing with a pen.

too many fantasies, not enough physical manifestation of them. all i do is daydream, and i neglect everything else.
and i keep desiring things (people) that i can't have. people who are dead, or have forgotten about me, or are just unattainable for various reasons.

i'm craving an intense convo with someone. about existence and infinite possibilities. one of those conversations in which everything else blurs and all that exists are you and the person. those used to happen quite often. they were my source of inspiration and purpose. i miss passion and excitement.

this is the world of illusion, yes? yes.

current mood: eh

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3:06 pm - make love all day long, make love singing songs
forgive me if my entries seem annoying, but i've been more introspective than usual lately, and aching to get some things out of my system.

i stayed in bed today till 3, not because i was feeling particularly lethargic, sad, hopeless or anything. but because it just felt right. i needed to do some reflecting. and it was just so comfortable, and i felt so free staring up at the patches of blue sky that are visible from my window.

last night i cried out to the universe, for a sign, a reminder of why i'm still here. and then i proceeded to have one of the most intense dream sequences i've ever had. and they are all pretty intense to begin with.

last night i wrote about the far away places of my dreams. and how desperately i need to reach them, and also a reminder to myself about how precious life is, and to remember this when all seems lost. i started talking to myself, saying please, keep on writing, keep on laughing, keep on living. you have so much to live for, please, remember that life is a beautiful gift. never forget this, even when the pain rises up and you want to free yourself from all of this, please, keep it close to your heart, carry it in your little locket. everything must pass. please, remember, this too shall pass.

i woke up today feeling as though i fulfilled some epic quest. it was only the journeys of my dreams, of course, which i've only begun to record on word pad. it will take a while. i might not even finish, but i hope i do.

i woke up with a george harrison lyric in my head.
make love all day long, make love singing songs..
i often dream of music, and the melody lingers in my mind during my waking life. usually i'm composing some music in my dream, and usually it sounds like windchimes or something. but anyway. i have things i must do, and miles to go before i sleep.

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Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
6:48 pm - sometimes I like to write boring theeengs.
I'm a pacifist liberal. One of my dearest friends and I are on opposing sides of the political spectrum. What makes our friendship bearable is the fact that we are so fucking stupid when we are together.
That we laugh at anything and everything, including our stupid political views. Our friendship used to be a bit shaky, cause we'd both avoid the subject of politics neurotically just to avert conflict. But of course that led to tension and weird scenarios. So all of a sudden we began making fun of it all. Being idiots, making odd noises and gestures and movements and getting scolded by the nice old librarian 10 times a day.

Like when my friend mentioned her attraction to Mr. Bush and I of course feigned vomiting, I imitated the librarian in a nearly dead frog voice murmuring "No regurgitation in the library..." which led to hilarity for us. Cause we're idiots.

Um, if there is a point to this it is that humor brings people together. Humor is good. Laughing at everything is good. Because EVERYTHING.IS.FUNNY. And in my opinion nothing's worth bickering pettily over. Life is so much more enjoyable and fun when we could laugh at ourselves and our pathetic attempts to cling to a certain set of beliefs or ideals. Clinging to a structure of some sort seems to give us purpose or meaning or substance, but humor brings out the truth that our true purpose is being, and that existence itself is meaning enough.

I just woke up from a four hour nappie. My day consisted of equal parts bewilderment, clumsiness, crankiness and joy. Clumsiness especially. hehe. Maybe that explains this entry.

It's a productive day, if you take precautions.

Not that I believe in daily horoscopes based upon Sun Sign alone. But it was all too accurate, heh. I, of course, blame it on the lack of sleep.

current mood: groggy

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Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
11:32 pm
So, it's back to writing in my own private journals--I've neglected them for too long. Lj is addictive. Agh! And I hold back so much, anyway. I'll continue writing random, nonsensical, vague lj entries about daily comings and goings and whatnot, every now and again. But my heart will remain absent from this, for the most part..until I decide to like myself a little better.

Still uneasy about displaying my thoughts and emotions in public. Anndddd still pissed off at myself for holding things back from others, from myself. I've been lying to myself! I need to heeeal. I need a haircut. And I need to stop feeling like I've recently been fangoriously devoured by a gelatinous monster.

I want to make a different screen name, but I am fresh out of ideas. complain.
::makes incoherant noise, that sounds a little like "mimi"::

All I wanted to do today was watch Marry Poppins with my estranged sib (who needs to contact his sib-soon).
Ah! As I was typing that last bit, "D" just called.
s-y-n-c-h-r-o-n-i-c-i-t-y ;)
(/private references)

Okay. I'm in the mood for an old Simpsons episode... watched Mr. Bergstrum soooo many times, too recently. Perhaps Principal Charming... yes.

current mood: dorky

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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
8:27 pm - going for walks clears the mind, and makes me think of lewis carroll
brillig--and the slithy toves
did gyre and gimble in the wabe.

mimsy--were the borogoves
annnd the momeraths

current mood: lakdfl;ajretag

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